Highly Love Scar(r)ed

Being love scarred probably sounds overly dramatic. I like to think about half of the population would agree? In this instance I want to talk to the other half and lean into it for a second. This popped into my head the other night while I was under the effects of my nighttime medicine. I rose and thought to myself YES THAT IS IT and then as quickly as it came it went away. But before I went back to sleep, I wrote the words down just so I could question myself in the morning.

 I love scars… and I am the type to rub a scab back open. So that is what I’m going to do metaphorically. Technically I really don’t believe that I have enough experience to be love scarred but there in lies the problem. 

                                                                            DENIAL. 

Love is the type of thing that you see on tv, you hear on the radio, you feel in the air, or hell you can probably smell it on the right night at your local watering hole. If you are oblivious enough all of these could happen in the same day. But what I failed to see is that it happens in all sorts of instances real or fake. It’s all about perspective or I guess what you choose to see since perspective is a harsh word.

 Those television therapists really say that, and it is absolutely true. For me love scarred just means that when faced with an opportunity to fight or flight you would usually flight. Fight. Choosing fight would give you the chance to face the issue and grow but flight is the easier option. Flight gives you the chance to dwell and pretend that you will find a better way to deal with your problem. Giving you more time to make more out of the same problem or issue. Flight feels good long term only because it gives you something to fill up your empty moments with. Even if those things will never get dealt with keeping busy always pacifies. I like to keep busy like most of us, but this pandemic has opened my eyes and my chakras to the idea of fighting. This reminds me to investigate boxing as a workout experience.

 In the next few weeks, I will be testing out this fighting technique with a few things I’ve been meaning to deal with. Love is definitely going to be a lifelong battle and I believe that it’s supposed to be. There are so many loves that we come across during our lives so each of them will require a different approach. It is what it is! This is the reason fighters enjoy the fight. The joy of the battle. Maybe joy isn’t the best word for me, but others would agree. I like the word growth and the growth of fighting sounds like something that I can achieve. I don’t necessarily have to win but I really should be growing from these experiences. 

P.S. Music is NOT a substitute for a bandage!

 Oui’d