Highly Accountable

 

It’s way too early for me to be all in my feelings but here we are. 3am is usually the time when people are either fast asleep or well… not. I probably shouldn’t have taken a sleep pill last night because they usually give me nightmares and wake me up. Waking up that early you have a few options as to what you can do. But one thing I have learned never to do is to Russian roulette with social media and your emotions.

 Doom scrolling is quickly becoming the number one killer of vibes and restful sleeping. And here I am looking at people eating lobster tails, tiktoking, getting shots, engagements, and several other things not relevant to my life.

To steer this post into the direction of accountability I took this time to hold myself to my goal of losing some belly fat. Although I am body positive and believe we all have the right to look how we see ourselves. However, when your Levi’s stop fitting properly, and your belts break someone has to take the blame. So, after leaving my parents a crazy voicemail blaming them for my genes I turned inward. My apartment was to blame. It’s full of snacks and treats and drops and crunchies and slurps and enough is enough. I finished eating them so that they were out of sight and out of mind. But there was still a pit in my stomach… not a cherry pit but GUILT. I glanced at the clock and It read 4am.

I picked up my headphones and put on my most active playlist of songs from the 99-2000. Cleared some space in my small studio apartment and cushioned the floor as to not disturb my downstairs neighbor. Then combined every late-night infomercial for beachbody into one long video clip to save money obviously. Spent two hours sweating to the rhythm of my own drum and their off beat one. After falling in and out of thought doing this reminded me the joy of getting your endorphins and heart rate up for no reason. Like going to a dance club with a vitamin water bottle of jack and coke with your roommate without a care in the world just so you could dance an extra hour. I had a weirdly good body back then I gather but this is not the point. I held myself to a goal and I hope to continue this for a month and check myself for results. Accountability is hard I know and getting results is even harder if you don’t hold yourself accountable. I’d just rather it was someone else’s responsibility…

 

Oui’d